he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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