I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
