They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
