Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
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He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
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What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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