Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
