My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
