R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
