When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
