Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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