Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
