Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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