Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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