I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
