I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
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