Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
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I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
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You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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