I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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