the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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