You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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