eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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