If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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