I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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