My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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