i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
