I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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