I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
