I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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