What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
