is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
