Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
