Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
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Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
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im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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