i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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