so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
