Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
