You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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