Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
