Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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