But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
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