The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You have to summon your inner elephant
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
