Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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