Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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