Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
