The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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