sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
