Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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