True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
