My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Life is so much better after having sex.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
