Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
