The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize