While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Randomize
