dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
