im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You ate ashes out of my bong
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize