he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
