to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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