I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
