Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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