Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
My vagina just clenched in fear
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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