We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
